go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
