i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
