I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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