How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
