LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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