Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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