The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
