Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
