apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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