you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
