we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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