i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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