She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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