I am in a vortex of obligation.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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