If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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