dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
