I'm eating all of the evidence.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
