He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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