Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
