i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
