forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
