so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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