Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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