I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
