I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
