Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize