I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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