Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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