Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
