Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont even know how to be here
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
