I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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