just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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