Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
