Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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