Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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