You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
