Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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