life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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