I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
