i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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