Betty ford says i'm here all night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
