fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
