I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
