I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Success! We fucked roommates!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
