YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
this is an emotional support booty call
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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