Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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