So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
