great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
