there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
