Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize