You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
