why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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Alive.
So much puke
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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