Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
