what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The ass gains better be worth it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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