Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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