bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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