My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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