i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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