one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize