No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
