I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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