she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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