so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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