I wish I could punch you in the face.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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