There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
