so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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