yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
