I got chris browned last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
