we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
