Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
