just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
