I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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