..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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