Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
