I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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